do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
