i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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