I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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