There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
