good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
