I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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