I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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