how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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