after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"