I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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