Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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