I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
