Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
