my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
