First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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