Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
