then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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