singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
