Please, let me fuck your mom
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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