Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
