I have demons in me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
