I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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