There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
