I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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