Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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