There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize