While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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