as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize