im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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