i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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