I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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