Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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