Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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