Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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