How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
