Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
