I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
