Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
