he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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