Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
