it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How's work?
Spinning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
