I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
