apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
