I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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