So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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