is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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