I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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