You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
