Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
