I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
