By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
