I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
