She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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