the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
