come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
