come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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