is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
