The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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