Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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