I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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