I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
