is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
