fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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