And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
