My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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